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i never really thought of pictures as finite. as carefully as we handle them... holding the corners so as not to get fingerprints all over, I suppose some part of me realized they were delicate... but still somehow I thought no matter what, they'd always exist, always be there as a testament to my life. Also? we take a lot of pointless pictures. So many of them that don't matter to us at all... and let me tell you, when attempting to rescue pictures, there is no rhyme or reason to which ones stay intact and which ones are lost for good. I don't even know why i'm bothering to document this little thought process... i'm just tired & sore from standing bent over at the sink trying to pull memories apart. Oh, another thing? If you ever happen to have all your pictures beleaguered in water... the correct answer is to freeze them within 72 hours. I had no idea this was the protocol. I wish to god that I'd known though... aside from I'm sure many many more memories i could have saved - i'm probably killing myself by inhaling all this lovely mold & mildew.

on a slightly related note... I was prepared for fire. Wen i was a little girl, i had a plan, a course of action for what to do if the smoke alarm woke me up in the middle of the night. journals. bear. pictures. music. that was the plan. even then I knew that although you're not supposed to try and save anything, that these were the things worth saving. everything else is replaceable. what i never considered was that water could erase my life as quickly as fire. never, not even once did I ever think i'd need to know to freeze wet books, or pictures, or letters, or postcards, or that I should have written all my journals in waterproof ink so that my words wouldn't end up smeared blotches bleeding together on the clingy pages.

ok. time to attempt to save a few more memories... why is the past so damn important to me anyways? Part of me thinks i should have shrugged, said oh well, so much for that, and looked to the future. but i can't. i guess part of me will always hold to the notion that there is no future without the past. meh. sundays.