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i believe in love, i believe in fate...

i've been meaning to write - but then i keep getting distracted by life

i watched a slew of movies this weekend that I hadn't seen in a long time - all of which left me musing on the very truth and nature of love.

First off, I saw "Shakespeare in Love" - which - for those of you who have been asking lately, very well may be my favorite movie (ok, well at least top ten). And I followed it up by catching a VERY late showing of "The Tao of Steve"

Now if you're familiar with both films and with my particular brand of circular logic - you may be able to preemptively trace my philosophical journey, but for everyone else, let's re-cap:

a) identify with the heroine & make defiant declarations about desiring / deserving the pinnacle of romantic love
I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love, love above all... not the artful postures of love, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture.

2) second guess the existence of such love outside of art & literature.

d) re-examine the possibility that I subconsciously seek out a mythical love in order to extend my search indefinitely, thereby never exposing myself to the possibility of being hurt again.

5) decide ultimately that I have no interest in a world without the possibility of transcendent love, take comfort in my newly emboldened faith .

g) begin viewing second film, identify with anti-hero, grapple with his belief in Heidegger's idea that "We pursue that which retreats from us", begin to validate the paradigm by providing myself with examples from past experiences.

8) Come to harrowing realization that newly validated belief in paradigm is in serious conflict with renewed faith in the existence of higher forms of love.

j) attempt to reconcile my seemingly polar romantic and cynical natures... eventually conclude that they are purposefully entwined in that the cynicism both guards against that which would destroy the innocence and hope which feed my faith in love, and tempers that faith from blindly leaving myself vulnerable to every possible disappointment.

I really did mean this to be a more in-depth account of my personal romantic rhetoric... but alas, life has interfered once again.

There was far too much reality in my reality today and so I'm off to lose myself again in the galaxy far far away...