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It was kind of a downer of a weekend, and it's spreading into my week now, and I know I owe everyone a detailed account of my sxsw adventures... but I'm just not feeling up to it right now. Especially since my tales from texas have thus far only served to stir up an unwarranted amount of melodrama. If you're interested in pictures, see the link in the sidebar to your left - the album is aptly labeled "sxsw" and bands are in alphabetical order. If you want to see candids & need the password for my personal albums, just ask.

Now. As to my general agitation (which has carried over from yesterday), please accept the following passive-aggressive statement. Considering that I'm trying to avoid singling anyone out or pointing fingers, I'd say it's currently the most civil way I have of venting my considerable ire.


I'd like to thank anyone and everyone who played a part in casting me in my exciting new role as Hester Pryne in our oh so very high school production of The Scarlet Letter. No really, Nathaniel Hawthorne would be proud, it's not often that someone can craft such intricate works of fiction and have them function as truth. Then again, maybe it's more in the vein of The Crucible... after all, why deal with mundane facts when you can command everyone's attention with a salacious tale?

Yes, I realize that people talk. I'm aware that on occasion the mere appearance of impropriety can often do as much damage as any actual indiscretion. But I'm still disheartened by this turn of events. It seems I'm constantly reminded that while it's my nature to be overly honest about my life, I really ought to be more selective about who I open up to. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, but I keep making the same mistakes - trusting too quickly, too easily - sticking my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. And maybe it will force a change in me... but part of me hopes it won't. I can't stand to think of myself as guarded or wary of my friends and their intentions.

I do what I do because I love my friends, and while I realize that my expectations of them can often be overwhelming, I believe in them past reason and understanding because that's who I am. But when it comes down to it, (to paraphrase John Hughes), I can't believe in someone who doesn't believe in me. I didn't think I had to prove that I was worth believing in, I like to think that my actions on the whole speak for themselves. But I guess sometimes actions aren't always louder than words... even (or especially?)when we're talking about whispers.

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Comments

( 3 spankings — spank your inner moppet )
(Anonymous)
Apr. 4th, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
remember ways back when you sent me that nerve.com link to that hot chicago guy? i ran into him at union pool two weeks ago and he now lives here, too. i chatted with him for a bit--sounds like he frequents a lot of the places you've mentioned in the past. keep an eye out...

:)

-jennifer
brainwavy
Apr. 4th, 2005 05:56 pm (UTC)
Ha! I don't think I'd ever recognize him to save my life... but i will keep an ear out for anybody slurring out the "I'm new to the city" line with a particularly Chicago-ean drawl. I was actually thinking I'd run into you on Saturday... but yeah, not so much.
(Anonymous)
Apr. 4th, 2005 07:13 pm (UTC)
yeah, i didn't go. i've got my eye out for you, though, missy!
( 3 spankings — spank your inner moppet )