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Okay – so remember when we were talking about my doing stupid things? Did I also mention my penchant for stuffing my foot in my mouth? No? Oh goodie... here we go then.

So, I spend a ridiculous amount of time after work last night crafting my glowing review of Tuesday evening. Hand picking relevant links, re-educating myself on the process of hyperlinking in live journal, blah, blah, blah cakes... whoa - it's nearly 8 pm & I'm still at work, gotta wrap it up & get going.
*notice boy2's away message is still up*
hmmn... okay, let me leave him that Monchhichi's link. It's relevant, it's harmless, and it will give him a reason to talk to me tomorrow.
*leave link, get ready to shut down computer*
*blip - boy2 replies to my link*
(approximation of im conversation)
him: oh, yeah, I completely forgot to look for those things
me: hey, thought you were "away"
him: just got back
(blah, blah, i don't remember monchhichis, blah, why do they have that double h in there, blah)
*i look around and*
me: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
him: what?
me: I totally forgot to take out the FedEx's
him: you are NOT still at work!
me: oh yes I am
*dial fedex to find the nearest drop off location, but I'm pretty sure already I'm gonna have to take them to Manhattan*
him: what the fuck? What do you make 100,000 k / yr?
me: I wasn't doing work, i just got caught up
(I rant about automated phone systems)
him: what were you doing
me: updating
doh! did I just say that? why did I just say that? he's gonna totally pick up on
him: updating what?
that. dammit. moment of truth, I could totally make something up. But what if he ends up finding it anyways? then I'm royally screwed... better just get it over with now.
me: journal
him: oh yeah? where is it?
me: what? I'm just supposed to SHOW you?
him: you know I can probably find it anyways
(talking to fedex agent - shit, I do have to drive to Manhattan)
me: true
me: okay then, I have to drive these downtown
him: that sux
me: latah
him: bye

so, I race down to Manhattan, make it to the FedEx center in time (woo hoo - i love when I save my own ass like that, it's really rather rewarding) and am anxious to share this feeling of accomplishment with someone.
don't do it, don't do it
gee, there's only one person who knows what I was trying to do here...
don't do it, don't do it
and I'm really starting to wonder if he found the journal - or if he thinks I was being weird about telling him where it was... after all I *do* know where his blog is...
don't do it, don't do it, for the love of god don't
*dialing boy2*
damn you -- you did it anyways, what good is an inner monologue if you don't listen to it?
*voice mail*
"hey [boy2], it's Jocelyn... actually made the FedEx cut off time, pretty psyched about that, wanted to share my joy, *laugh a little* um, also, if you DO find my journal, just please don't be geeked out, ok? That's all... bye"
oh god... did i really just say that? why did i say that? i am such a tool. that just made things ten times worse! WHY did i do that?.... okay, can't take it back now - let's just get to the bar... yes, the bar... you're friends are waiting, the beer is waiting, just forget about him entirely & get to the bar...

The bar was a good thing. Actually, it was a GREAT thing. I hadn't seen any of my friends from home since I got back from the beach (does this mean I'm spending too much time in the city???) Everybody thinks I look great - my ego is about to hit the ceiling, "you cut your hair, love your new car, god you look so hot with a tan, you've totally lost SO much weight!" Plus seeing Kev behind a bar for once is priceless. beer is flowing, shots being ordered left & right, dear GOD when did the Karaoke set up appear? Damn you Billy & Neal - why are Tara, Courtney & Jocelyn being called up to sing, "hit me baby one more time"? LOL We are a train wreck - but can't get too mad at the boys, it's actually kinda fun... GOOD LORD Gruber is engaged!?? What in the hell is going on around here? People are dropping like flies! Courtney: (waving the most gorgeous diamond around) Well, the clock is ticking.... Jocelyn: Not for me it 'ain't -- my clock is running backwards thankyouverymuch. /recollections of the bar.

Now, haven't seen him online, haven't heard from him, haven't gotten a reply from any anonymous people on my journal, the big question is, am i bUStEd? And, perhaps more importantly... is it going to matter? I only hate for him to see it now because things were so chill last time we saw eachother & I'd really like for them to stay that way *sigh* I mean, if he's looking for me, well he's certainly savvy enough to find me... and especially after my disastrous display on the vm he knows there's something in it about him -- so, would you go looking for it if you were him? Yeah, me too. Well then, in the event that you're here "Boy2", let me present you with a little quote to put things in perspective:

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid... After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap. -- Bridget Jones ;o)



( 4 spankings — spank your inner moppet )
Sep. 19th, 2003 08:23 am (UTC)
Ah, Jocey Jocey. Well, if he finds it, he finds it. What can ya do? This is public domain. Think of it this way, at least your journal doesn't contain anything nearly as nasty as mine.
Sep. 19th, 2003 08:38 am (UTC)
No worries :)

I'm over it. You know I have to stress about things for a full 24 hours before my brain turns off. Now I've got it down to he finds it & what? Discovers I *like* him? I think maybe the bj at the beach might have tipped him off... That I slept with another guy last weekend? Oh well. I'm single, deal with it. What else is there? It's just me being *me*. This is how I am & I'm not going to lock it up or apologize for it.

And yeah - nothing like finding YOUR journal. Speaking of which... anybody who wants to know how utterly psychotic I apparently am should check out his journal. Seriously. I'm a raving lunatic & he'll tell you ALL about it :oP
Sep. 19th, 2003 10:05 am (UTC)
Yeah, TMI, thanks. But I will agree BJs at the beach are usually "stupid move erasers", even if performed pre-stupid move.

Yeah, this chick is totally nutty, believe me, I've done vast research on the subject. ;)
Sep. 19th, 2003 11:43 am (UTC)
TMI? Whatever... I rant about sex in my journal, you know this to be true.

Reasearch, lol. yes, I suppose you could call it that...
( 4 spankings — spank your inner moppet )