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So. It's daytime and of course I'm feeling better about things again... But I instinctively know that when that magical bedtime hour rolls around that I'll be back to wallowing some more.

I've been feeling so awful lately ABOUT feeling awful. Between my friends and other folks I talk to, I'm really beginning to feel like a freak. No one seems to get my incredibly slow healing process. It's probably mostly in my head, but I feel like everyone is staring at me, waiting for me to get past this already... People wonder why I'm not dating already, or excited to date already. They are "worried" because I still think of him, still carry feelings for him.

I don't know - haven't I earned this? Is this grieving not my due? I've put in FIVE YEARS of my life! You'd think I could get a couple of months to be sullen and wistful and really figure out that this isn't going to put itself back together again.

You'd think... right?

And yeah, it DOES really burn me that he's up and running as if we were no big thing. So what!? I'm allowed to get angry. So there. Fuck everyone who wants me to get on with my life! I'm not ready yet. It may be a while before I am. And I can be lonely, and I can miss him if I want to. And if I want to ignore the bad parts of our now defunct relationship, then so be it.