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Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

Okay. Reeeeally long entry. And it's not even a catch-up entry. It's just long. I'll catch up soon, but in the meantime...

I've been having a lot of really weird dreams lately. Maybe weird isn't really the right term… more like vibrant. Very realistic & uncharacteristically, featuring people I know in real life. I think they also are revealing something that's obviously been on my mind lately: Marriage. Actually, that's not entirely true either… they've been centered around engagements. This is not surprising, given that I currently know at least 9 girls who are engaged, 3 already married, and one who's in the process of ring-shopping. And two of those engagements I just found out about this week. This could certainly account for the following two incredibly weird dreams:

1. I'm on a train. It's not associated with a track or the ground whatsoever, so I'm not sure how it is I know that it's a train… but I do. It's really more like a flying cruise ship, as it appears to be gi-normous & have need of an elevator, but hey, like I said, it's a train.

ANYHOW… I am on vacation on this magical train. Apparently with both Kris & his girlfriend Allison. Now this is weird to begin with, because, hello, who goes on vacation with their ex boyfriend & his new girlfriend? Exactly. And, yeah, I'm thinking even in the dream, that this is a little weird. But it wasn't an accident either – like we didn't just "whoops!" all wind up on the same train. So we're all there, and at some point Kris & I wind up in a passage way near a window. He's talking to me, but I have no idea what he's saying until he pulls out a ring box & opens it. (yeah, this is THAT dream) So he's standing there holding this engagement ring out to me & saying, "so what do you say?" I'm of course (even in the dream) shocked, and so I stammer something about not really being sure… He shuts the box, closes it into my hand & says, "just think about it, okay?" and then walks away – leaving me standing there in utter disbelief. Now hang on 'cause it gets weirder… He walks from me through a doorway, collects Allison from this other room, puts his arm around her and walks her back past me to their room, turns around & tells me they'll see me in the morning. So basically, I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend proposing to me & then leaving me to think about it while he went off & slept with his current girlfriend. WEIRD.

2. This one is a little fuzzier, but the general gist is something like this… Damian (who doesn't really look or talk at all like Damian, but somehow still is Damian) and I are talking in what appears to be some kind of basement. Not the kind that's all cement & housing boxes of crap from the year of Jesus, but definitely underground. It was actually all stone – polished marble or granite or the like… and had a large fireplace with a hearth. So, I'm going on about how I'd had a great time when we went out (presumably about a week before) & he's agreeing with me, saying that he had enjoyed it too. "So, then", I say to him, "why are you doing this?" (the "this" I am referring to is for the moment unknown to the me that is witnessing this dream). He replies simply that he'd never done it before & it seemed like something he should try. The me that is watching suddenly becomes aware of what the "this" is. It seems that in the space of a week, since our "date", Damian has decided to marry Michelle. (Yeah, this is that OTHER dream) I'm reasonably dissatisfied with this turn of events & I tell him that this is all very odd & didn't he just say that he liked me & wanted to see more of each other? To this he simply replies, "you're right", and proceeds to start kissing me. So. Making out in the basement with pseudo-Damian who is engaged to Michelle. Someone comes downstairs dressed in a tux & breaks it up & if rather huffy & annoyed going on about how Damian was making everyone wait. The me that is observing finally notices that Damian is also wearing a tux & a boutonniere… it's all falling into place now. Apparently this entire scene had been taking place AFTER their wedding, but before the reception. And so Damian straightened him self up & went upstairs to a increasingly irate Michelle in a rather lovely strapless ivory gown. WEIRD.


( 5 spankings — spank your inner moppet )
May. 10th, 2003 09:23 am (UTC)
ah, catharsis!
May. 12th, 2003 01:02 pm (UTC)

Perhaps. But as a release from what exactly? The mind-numbingly frightening thought that while other young twenty-somethings are lining up to get hitched, I have a hard time committing to what I should have for lunch?

Egads! This whole engagement debacle could totally land me in therapy for a spell -- I'm suddenly picturing my future as involving a large number of cats... is there such a thing as non-couples therapy? Like for the perpetually single?

Reality Check - I think my sanity & I will manage to survive the massive engagement onslaught. Yes, it's disturbing, but so is the fact that people still eat SPAM -- so I guess I'll just deal.
May. 12th, 2003 01:29 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmmmnnnnn...
I'm not entirely sure the dreams have much to do directly with marriage. My read is your brain has finally tried to come to grips with losing your 2 best friends in the last 2 years. It isn't about the proposal, or the marriage of Michelle, it is about place those people held in your life and losing those connections. How does each dream end? The "offending party" leaving, in the midst of much confusion on your part. It is coming to grips with it, and saying to yourself, "now what? do I choose to continue my life as I have? or is there something to learn that will save me pain in the future?" Ok, maybe I am getting a bit overboard here. But I don't think the dreams are directly about marriage, but more about relationships, specifically 2 very close ones you've lost.
May. 12th, 2003 02:18 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmmmnnnnn...
well thank you Dr. Freud ;)

While I'll admit that your interpretations may be valid, I don't think that they're spot-on. I certainly do have issues with both losses, but I don't think this was a projection of them.

Having both dreams follow specific engagement announcements & consequently specific feelings of lonliness/fear, I think that they were just manifestations of those fears. Specifically the Michelle dream, as she was not so much a part of the dream as the punch line to it. Let's face it, my ego/self-esteem has obvious issues with the way things ended up there. I can't so much as have a nice fantasy without my projection of her ransacking it.

As for the dream with you, hell, maybe you're right, I don't really know what it's about. I think I was chalking it up partially to the forthcoming conclusion of Dawson's Creek, wherein our heroine possibly ends up with her long-time friend & on-again off-again romantic interest. I'd say Allison was there to remind me that in fact, Katie Holmes & I have very little in common & the probability of God scripting my life as a homage to Kevin Williamson's teen drama is basically nil.
May. 13th, 2003 12:37 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmmmnnnnn...
As you wish.
( 5 spankings — spank your inner moppet )