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okay, okay… twist my arm, I'm posting again. Honestly, I don't really feel like it today but I am so FUCKING bored that I have no alternative. It never fails I tell you… on days when it's just me in the office there is never anybody around to amuse me. If I'm crazy busy & have the boss lady breathing down my neck, sure, then everybody im's me all at once, but when I have no chance of getting busted? Not. A. Soul.

It's too fucking quiet in here. I started a radio station last night on yahoo radio launch, it's a little addicting. But alas, I have no sound on my computer >:| Besides, since I'm apparently going to Stereophonics tonight at Webster Hall, I should prolly be listening to their new cd. Hmmn… let's see who left their computer on for me to play with? Yay Josh! ugh, did I just say that? well, at least he's good for something. Okay. So about the Stereophonics… they're alright. I thought I had a better understanding of who they were, but I think I may have had them mixed up with Supergrass okay, yeah, I know but hey… they're both long S names & until recently I wasn't overly familiar with either of them… Anyhow. I am going to the show mostly to because Jill has an extra ticket & I think they have the potential to rock me with a live performance… we'll see.

Speaking of "we'll see"… Boy2 tonight. possibly He's thinking he should prolly not go out again tonight (seems he's suffering from liver's regret – much like myself these days). But he told me to call & see if he could be persuaded all the same. So, yeah, we're obviously still living in a world of vague… which is actually pretty okay with me at the moment. I mean, it's not like I have some pre-conceived notion as to what *should* be happening here. I just know that I like him, and that I like being around him, and I was kinda hoping he felt the same way. Yeah, okay, blah blah mushy cakes. Enough of that.

Let's see, what else? Oh yes. I saw Lost In Translation last night. Really, really liked it. Have a bit of a crush on Scarlett Johansson now…lol…and maybe Sofia Coppola for being so damned talented. It was so beautiful, and so evocative. It reminded me of a rainy day – I'm not exactly sure why, it just gave me that rainy day kind of feeling. Maybe it's partly Kevin Shields… his music was so gorgeous. *sigh* for the love of god, where was I when MBV was actually around? But I digress, mostly, I left the theater thinking, I've been this girl my whole life She's smart, she's snarky, and she doesn't fit in anywhere. I guess there are prolly a lot of us out there, ya think? It's just that this weekend left me feeling splintered again – I know, I know, recurring theme of my life: Girl who has like 8 groups of friends, none of which she feels completely at home with. But it's true you know? I love my girls with all my heart & we have a blast whenever we're together… but they're really moving into a place in their lives that I won't be for a long time – if ever. The whole engagement business is one thing, but looking around Saturday at Billy & Courtney's place and hearing everyone talk about decorators & wedding plans, and noticing the excessive amounts of Tiffany jewelry and how many carats out side of the rings were being displayed & whoa… it was just a little overwhelming. Tara is 5 years MAX away from being a soccer mom & that scares the shit out of me. Basically, I need to get out of Westchester for a while… but therein lies my other problem. Sure, you could plop me in an apartment in bklyn, but I don't really feel like I go there either… everyone I know from the music scene has such a different way about them… their obsession is on a completely different level. They have this seemingly innate history, a flow chart of how they got from listening to cool bands in high school to listening to cool bands now. I listen to something & either I like it or I'm indifferent… I probably can't identify influences, or even label them with the correct sub-sub genre unless it's incredibly obvious. *sigh* I don't know where I was going with this… I guess I'm getting a little tired of straddling both worlds, but I'm not ready to give up on either, because they're both a part of who I am & I kind of like that about myself. I *do* worship live music, I love the feel of the city – the pulse, the insanity of it all… but I also want some of those suburban things in my life, I actually *like* Tiffany jewelry, I love my friends and our little Irish bars, I want to raise a family someday, I want a house with a backyard with 2 cats and a dog… I just wish that there was a little space in my life where everything came together in such a way that I felt completely at home in my own skin. Or at least find someone else who *gets* it… sometimes that's all you need to feel home. /rant











Comments

( 2 spankings — spank your inner moppet )
krisdrum
Sep. 22nd, 2003 11:41 am (UTC)
I don't see why you can't have both worlds? And I don't see why you feel the "need" to be "like" the people in either group. That's BORING. The people you are "admiring" are as individual as you are, in their own way. Yes, perhaps their individuality "fits" better with the group they "run with" (Tara will make a great soccer mom, Audrey would make a killer band manager), but I don't see how that makes you "not fit"! You fit, you just fit differently than the stereotypical person in that scene. That's always been you, embrace it, identify with it, and love yourself for it. If you don't, you'll be squandering your happiness "in the moment" and potentially miss out on all the fun you love so much. Be true to you and who you are, not who you want to fit in with. Its quite obvious you already fit in, or they wouldn't be calling you or hanging with you. You're through the velvet ropes, now enjoy the party.
brainwavy
Sep. 22nd, 2003 02:02 pm (UTC)
ooh, it's another round of please Kris, tell me how to live my life! :oP I know you mean well, bt sometimes I think you miss the point of my ramblings entirely... *sigh*

It's not like I'm not having a blast... and you of all people should know that I'm nearly always enjoying myself "in the moment". It's just hard on occasion to be the odd one out: the only person who has to stay sober enough to drive home from a show, the only one not blinded by a rock on her finger, or trying to find the perfect 8 piece band... I know that I fit in to some extent, but my point was that it would be nice to have someone else who's a little left of center in the same way I am. See the movie, you'll understand me better.
( 2 spankings — spank your inner moppet )