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I have come to a few conclusions:

A. For being the genius that I am, sometimes I can be ridiculously stupid. No, no, not just spacey & zoned out (as I can tend to be) not just lazy or consumed with idly allowing my potential to slowly atrophy; no we're talking full on STOOOOPID.

2. I think far too much. If I'd just let my brain chill a little bit, I'd be much better off. (Anybody out there with some Xanax?)

Now, if we put those two together we can apply them to my current situation:

If I hadn't been over-analyzing why I WASN'T having sex, I wouldn't have managed to convince myself that I was being neurotic about it & I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself to sleep with someone immediately in order to feel "normal" again. Without this self-induced pressure, I wouldn't have gotten so disillusioned/paranoid about NOT sleeping with boy2 and I wouldn't have HAD the sex with Boy A when I so clearly wasn't ready / didn't particularly want to.

Let me 'splain.
No, there is too much. Let me sum up...
Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

um, okay, quote overload -- sorry 'bout that... back to my summation:

I didn't need to sleep with him nor do I need to sleep with boy2 either... I am perfectly happy being the makeout queen. It suits me, and if/when I am ready to take it to the next level, then so be it - but it *will* be on my terms, and it will NOT be out of some misguided attempt to face a fear that doesn't even necessarily exist.

Of course on the other hand.... if I hadn't slept with boyA in the first place, I might not have reached all of my very astute observations / conclusions & would probably still be wandering around convinced that I need to sleep with the next warm body I get my hands on...

or i could just be thinking too much -- AGAIN.

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