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K

Well, what can I say?

I saw him out over Thanksgiving, and again on Christmas Eve. We did the polite small talk thing, which was weird, but okay. I got sick around the Holidays, and I was *really* pining for him & missing him hard core around New Year's.

And then a brilliant thing happened... He accused me of creating an online doppelganger on the new board where we were posting. I laughed at him, b/c this time, it really wasn't true. And he posted the following,

"Ok, so Joc, maybe you aren't Jess, just awfully suspicious in my eyes. I'll take you at your word, but I hope you can understand why I jumped to that conclusion. And now that you mention it, hell, might as well throw off the gloves right here and now. I don't trust you!!! I used to, but I never will again. Not because we cheated on each other multiple times (technical or not) and not for the all crap we dragged each other through, over our 5 years of intimacy. For one reason and one reason only (ok, maybe 95% of the reason), and her name is Daphne!! That one act of "cloak and dagger" made me realize exactly what you are capable of and how little I actually knew about you over the years. That was one of the things I never put within your realm of actions. To be so underhanded and decietful to my face (whether or not you "thought I'd figure it out, it was transparent"). That blows it all away. All the "yeah, we can kinda be together while I attempt to get in someone else's pants" all that crap got erased by that one little name. Daphne. I'm sure you think this whole situation has been a barrel of laughs for me, all fun and games, "I'm a cold hearted snake", "yeah I used to fuck her". And really all that proves is that you didn't know as much about me as you thought you did all those years. That is the killer. 5 years, and all we have to show for it, is the inkling of a "friendship" and understanding of a fellow human being. I think I have a better grasp on the ins and outs of some co-workers (no, not Ali), than I do of you, and I've only been here 2 years. That is utterly mindblowing and frankly, makes me sad."

It was hurtful, and shocking that he would air all that in a public forum. I didn't respond. And he dissapeared from the board. Actually from all the boards where I frequent. And so *finally* we have been completely communication-free for over a month, going on 2 actually. A pallor finally has made it's way across his memory, and I now feel pity, rather than anger or longing for him.

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